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The ABCs of adulthood

This work, inspired by The Gashlycrumb Tinies, celebrates the ennui and disappointment of adulthood.

This is the text version of the little book and eventually … death I put together back in 2015 just for fun.


A is for “Alcohol” … to get through the day.

B is for “Bills” … you pay and you pay.

C is for “Credit” … there’s never enough.

D is for “Divorce” … they’re getting your stuff!

E is for “Every damn time” … something can go wrong it will.

F is for “Frills” … you can’t afford any frills.

G is for the “Gutters” … you were supposed to clean out.

H is for your “Health” … doctor says you have gout.

I is for “I heard you the first time!” … your patience they tried.

J is for “Jealousy” … of your neighbor, who died.

K is for a man is “King” of his castle … of which you are not.

L is for realizing you cry a whole “Lot.”

M is for “Mortgage” … you’ll be paying for years.

N is for “Nothingness” … emptiness, fears.

O is for “Oh shit!” … that thing you forgot.

P is for “Priorities” … pizza and napping, you love them a lot.

Q is for “Quickie” … the only sex that you get.

R is for “Regret” … regret, regret, regret.

S is for “Stretch marks” … you’ve got them in rows.

T is for “Term life insurance” … where your booze money goes.

U is for “Unhappy” … your shrink blames depression.

V is for “Viagra” … to achieve an erection.

W is for “Weary” … of life’s long, bumpy road.

X is for “X-Ray” … you get cause you’re old.

Y is for “YOLO” … only one life to live.

Z is for “Zero” … number of shits left to give!

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