Let me start by saying that—as of this date—there’s no film project starring Bill Nighy as Bill Nighy. At least, not that I know of.

There is only the hope of one.

Dangers inherent in writing spec scripts is that you’ve wasted great gobs of time on material that will never get produced … let alone read.

The other danger is in creating a screenplay that’s too meta for meta, in a time when more an more artsy films are featuring performers playing some version of themselves.

Though, some of my favorite movies are shamelessly self-aware.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen:

• I’m Still Here starring Joaquin Phoenix (2)
• Nicholas Cage’s The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2)
• Being John Malkovich (3)
• Cold Souls, starring Paul Giamatti (2)
• Charlie Kaufman’s Adaptation—yearly since buying it on DVD in 2003.

So, I suppose it’s no surprise that I got a British bug in my ear to write a lavishly self-serving vehicle for one of my all-time favorite English actors, Bill Nighy.

And so I did.

It was actually at the behest of one of my indie director friends who said, “I sure would like to do a movie with Bill Nighy someday.”

And, so, as I am Quixotically wont to do, I spent the next four months pounding out a 97-page draft that’s equal parts Charlie Kaufman, Rod Serling, and … Bill Nighy.

Did I mention I wrote the first draft on a 1946 Smith-Corona?

I mean I literally pounded it out. Carpal tunnels be dammned.

The messy, marked-up, hardcopy script is actually part of the movie.

Anyay, here’s a few sample pages: BILL NIGHY SCRIPT SAMPLE

Now, I just need to get over that tiny hurdle of getting the coffee-stained, dog-eared, one-hundred-percent cotton copy of the screenplay into Bill’s hands.

Anyone heading to Londontown?

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