It’s gonna come as a zero percent shock to no one that I’m terrible at stopping and smelling the roses.

In fact, that phrase so annoys me I wrote a little scene lampooning it in one of my recent screenplays.

To be fair, how many of us really spend a whole lot of time thinking about our accomplishments?

Sure, it’s great to get a pat on the bum for a job well done.

But, after that fifteen seconds of warm fuzzies—and severe awkwardness—wears off, and you’ve texted, called, or emailed every last aunt, uncle, or cousin who—though they love you dearly—really could care less … it’s time to get back to work.

But (he said convincingly) I’ve been trying to get better at finding a middle-ground between streaking buck naked through town while ringing a cowbell and shouting, “I’m the greatest!” and doing the “aw shucks” humblebrag tap dance. It’s a thing. Look it up.

[Why did he hafta be naked in that scenario? You just never mind.]

So, without further further, I can finally talk a little about the feature-length script I sold as well as a few other projects in various states of goody-goody.

The movie is a noir romcom thriller called The Truffaut Affair, an independent film about a struggling actor who is unwittingly cast in an experimental international espionage movie.

Think Maltese Falcon meets Wizard of Oz meets The Man Who Knew Too Little.

The movie will be directed by Matthew Ben Miller—my artistic brother from another dimension—and is being produced by Lance B. Witmer and Trevor Breithaupt, who have Hollywood pedigrees which include work in various capacities for Samsung, major Youtubers like Aaron’s Animals and Mr. Beast, and shows like Magnum P.I., The Mandalorian, and The Morning Show.

The script is finished and the show is in preproduction.

And, the first round of auditions was held yesterday, Friday March 31, in Los Angeles. And shooting is planned to begin this June.

In other news … I sold a horror short film script last month. Pretty excited about that. The guy making it has a great eye and the vision to pull off this quirky little project. You can see one of his short films by clicking here.

And, the action horror comedy adventure I cowrote with lifelong pal Kent Ludwig has just been bumped to the semifinals of Horror2Comic 2022, a competition which will turn the winning screenplay into a graphic novel for distribution as well as potentially turning the property into a movie or TV series.

It doesn’t make me Mr. Hollywood but it’s nice to be moving in the right direction.

Now, I should probably go practice my OSCARS speech.

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Dear Academy, it is with utmost humility that I accept this symbol of just how freakin’ better I am than alla you! To the haters, I say kiss my big white behind. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take a champagne bath with Christina Hendricks, y’all! And if you don’t like it, Je m’en fous! That’s French for “I don’t give a f—”

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OK, I’m still working on it.