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Celebrating egg salad? We have a day for that!

Daylight Saving Time (yes, there’s no “s” at the end of “Saving”) recently ended for the season but now is as good a time as any to complain about it and other odd observances.

And we all know how much I likes to gets my complain on.

That’s a thing, right? The kids say that?

Like any good bull-shit observance, the official start date of Daylight Saving Time (DST) changes from year to year.

Some debate the necessity and usefulness of DST.

And, why not, since Benjamin Franklin supposedly first proposed it in a column he wrote in a French newspaper—as a joke.

Read Benny Frank’s original 1784 letter to The Journal of Paris here: http://www.webexhibits.org/daylightsaving/franklin3.html

Now millions of Americans are affected annually by what began as a jest.

And it got me wondering how many other observances and pseudo-holidays there are floating around the calendar.

That was when things began to go south.

Not only were there already more observances lined up for April than I could write about in one sitting, some of them were downright strange, even by my standards.

Here is a sampling of the many observances for the upcoming month.

For those of you longing to learn how to perform CPR on Fido, April is Pet First Aid Awareness month and Alcohol Awareness month.

I mean, really, if you’re going to be practicing mouth to mouth on your Basset Hound, you want to be three sheets to the wind.

What goes better with doggy breath, anyhow, red or white wine?

April is Workplace Conflict Awareness month.

My editor told me not to include this one—I told her to go suck an egg.

Sorry Charlie Day and Anti-Circumcision Day both fall on the first of April.

Not the two most uplifting observances I’ve seen.

And you only have one day to get over it because Reconciliation Day is April 2—Sorry, Charlie.

In case you feel the need to let everyone know how much they get on your nerves, Hate Week is seven days long (April 4-10).

Bar goers may be dismayed during the Alcohol-Free Weekend (April 7-9) when they find out that, she isn’t that attractive and he isn’t that funny.

Explore Your Career Options Week is April 10-14.

And, after the egg sucking comment, this’ll be a must for me, I’m sure.

Is it a coincidence that Tax Day, Take a Wild Guess Day, That Sucks Day and Husband Appreciation Day all fall on April 15?

Probably not.

Get revenge on whoever has been stealing your pudding packs at work from April 17-23—That’s no skunk in your lunch box, it’s Egg Salad Week!!!

April 18 combines Tax Freedom, Stress Awareness and Wear Your Pajamas to Work days, so you have the convenience of being hassled by the IRS, losing your mind and arriving at work in your bathrobe and slippers—don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Pet Owners Independence Day is April 18.

Apparently you get to stay home and sleep while your pet goes to work.

I’m thinking this day is celebrated by the same people you see on pet psychic programs asking some self-appointed doctor of tomfoolery whether Fluffy has post traumatic stress disorder after being separated from the rest of the litter.

Those of you who need to trim the extra weight you gained enjoying National Jelly Bean Day (April 22) will have a chance at a good cardiovascular workout while reminding the kids who’s boss on Spank Out Day (April 30).

Actually, I think this might be an anti-spanking holiday but I say use your discretion.

Both Playground Safety Week and Scoop the Poop Week, kickoff on April 24.

The answer as to why seemed obvious at first, but now I’m not quite so sure how they tie in.

Call me a traditionalist, but I think observances should be kept to the big holidays and memorials.

You know, the things that really matter, like April 28: Hairball Awareness Day.

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