I think if a door-to-door insurance salesman comes into your house to try to sell you a term life policy, and he's wearing thick leather gloves the entire time, it's OK to ask him if he'd like a glass of lemonade. And then, while his back is turned, you should conk him over the head … Continue reading The butler probably didn’t do it

Why would you want to read the latest Oates or Grisham when you can choke down some schlubb's amateur musings? Good question. Does anyone else feel a non sequitur coming on? Which brings me to my next point .... lately, I've been trying to think of how to share some of my serious fiction work with … Continue reading Eat (Taco Bell) Pray (practice novel) Love (tentacle porn)

Are we about good with writing advice? Lemme be clear, I'm not talking about the gems handed down by bestselling authors and English professors (that's teachers of English, not people who say "Ello Guvna.") I'm talking about the many more thousands of articles written by novices, hobbyists, and self-pubbed shmohawks. (Note: not all self-pubbers are shmohawks.) … Continue reading I’m sick of (other people’s) writing advice

What's that, you ask? What did I do about those pesky flashbacks in my soon-to-be nowhere-near-ready-for-querying-agents historical adventure novel? To quote the great Samuel L. Jackson as Carl Lee Hailey in the movie A Time To Kill: "Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!" When writing the two rather lengthy … Continue reading Using the Sam Jackson technique on literary flashbacks

Whole lot of dos and don'ts regarding how writers should deal with literary magazines, agents, publishing houses. One of the biggies is not to go off on a Charlie Sheen rant every time you get a rejection slip. Last thing anyone—especially industry professionals—wants to see from a prospective writer is an ugly meltdown because your … Continue reading Literary magazine rejections, feedback, and wombat fatalities