Can I borrow $5,000 for some billboard advertising? I ask because I finally got around to watching the much-hyped, lauded, and presumably fondled Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri and I feel the need to put up my own walls of advertising demanding to know who thought producing this cinematic abortion was a good idea. For … Continue reading Five Billboards Outside of Giza Plateau

You've heard of shotgun weddings. Well, this is a shotgun blog post. It has been some time since I posted new material on my website, I know. I put humor writing on hold for the most part this past year to focus on my dramatic works. After nearly 20 years of practice, maybe 15 of … Continue reading Floundering in the sea of modern publishing

A man gets to a certain age and he starts to wonder what it's all about. What am I doing here? Why are things the way they are? When will Samuel L. Jackson say “no” to a script? How am I the only one capable of putting toilet paper back on the spindle? Why won't … Continue reading Why I’m changing my name to Kumquat Ferrari

I'm staging an intervention and I need your help. It's not for a heroin addict or a pill popper. We won't be drying out any alcoholics or de-icing a meth head. The party that needs intervening in this case is a rootin-tootin', platform-building, social media whoring, blogging, bragging, taco-eating, bourbon-swilling, essay-writing need-machine—me. I know what you're … Continue reading Author platform looking more like a gallows

You can't make this up. You may think this is made up because it involves Bigfoot or aliens or female orgasms. However, rest assured in the knowledge that this is not about any of those mostly real things, nor is this made up. People like to say “You can't make this up” when they tell … Continue reading No, really, you can’t make this up