I’m always looking to improve my abilities as a screenwriter.

I’ve read a handful of the major books on the subject, watched every director and screenwriter lecture BAFTA has, watched dozens and dozens of Film Courage videos, and I try to read a new screenplay of a big Hollywood movie every week.

This week I was given two pieces of advice that I immediately put into action:

1. I went back through my best unsold script to trim and revise every single action line to make it a faster more enjoyable read. Wow, what a difference that made. It’s like a brand new screenplay.
2.  Take some scenes from favorite movies and rewrite them. And that’s exactly what I did. Details on my famous-script rewrite journey below.

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Earlier this Spring, filmmaker Michael Mann announced plans for Heat 2—a movie project that’s been described as both a prequel and a sequel.

Like most folks, I enjoyed the original when it came out in 1995. I’ve seen it a couple times since then and I even read the script as part of my self-guided studies.

As good as the film is overall, there’s always been something about the movie that’s bothered me—the famous restaurant scene, heralded by moviegoers and film critics alike as the pinnacle of fine cinema.

But, for me, the scene has always fallen short.

I know, I’m delving in near-heretical cinematic territory here.

I mean, after all, it’s Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. Two of the greatest actors in recorded history. How could the scene not be amazing?

Therein I find ammunition for my argument.

I am convinced that, if you were to replace the aforementioned phenoms with competent-but-unknown actors, the famous Heat restaurant scene would be quite forgettable.

Still, that hasn’t stopped reviewers from claiming cinema “peaked” with that scene.

I say the writing is a waste of potential.

You finally get Pacino and De Niro face to face on the big screen and then have them play a cop and crook who sound like they’re on a blind date?

Not only do they tell each other they’ll feel bad if they have to take each other down but they share relationship and parenting woes.

Seriously?

You’ve got De Niro and Pacino right where you want them.

This scene should have been on par with conversations like the ones in Cormac McCarthy’s Sunset Limited and No Country for Old Men, Anton Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya, and Aaron Sorkin’s A Few Good Men.

Who am I to criticize? I’m still just a plebe when it comes to filmmaking.

But I know good from bad, and great from mediocre.

And the much vaunted restaurant scene just isn’t very good.

Because I try to offer useful suggestions with my criticisms, and because I need the practice, I went ahead and rewrote the Heat restaurant scene as I’d have liked to see it.

It was a fun exercise that forced me to really think about the purpose of the scene and work toward those goals. I’m not sure I improved upon it but I’m glad I did it.

Who knows, maybe Michael Mann will read it and give me his thoughts.

Let’s just hope those thoughts aren’t, “You’ll never work in this town again!”

If you’re interested in reading my three-page version [pdf here] I’d say watch the original scene first to orientate yourself.

As always, I welcome and appreciate any notes.